And the Razzies goes to…




Have you ever wondered why our Indian cinema or rather Bollywood did not bother imitating the West when it came to the concept of introducing the award for the worst movie of the year? Well… I think I know. It shouldn’t come of as much of a surprise to you. It’s simply because they wouldn’t have enough categories to accommodate all the contestants.

The idea of the Razzie struck me three years ago when I once went to the theatre to watch a Hindi film. A Yash Raj film, ‘Neal n Nikki’ was an absolute catastrophe. I needn’t have been a Film Studies student then to understand how pathetic that movie was. Maybe one day, if I ever get to teach Film studies to students, I will definitely screen this film in my class to coach them on ‘How not to make a movie’.

The story line was so weak, I wish they had at least tried to copy some thing from even an Antarctic movie (hey, but do they make films in Antarctica?). I really do not understand what the film maker was thinking when he started making this movie. Probably, he too wanted to inspire someone on ‘How not to make a movie’. Must tell you sir, you quite succeeded in that. There is a desperate or rather ***ually frustrated boy who sees his match in an equally desperate, ***ually frustrated girl. They fight, them **** out, fight again, **** out again and the story continues. Has anyone heard of such an innovative story line? It was so motivating that a person with absolutely nil suicidal tendencies might be inspired to bang the head against the wall (I could have had a hamburger with that money instead). What a weak script sirji!!!

The songs weren’t that great. You can listen to it once if you really are jobless. Otherwise which sane person would want to listen to stuff which goes ‘I’m Neal, I’m the man…’ Give me a break… did the scriptwriters and lyricists take a sabbatical? Let’s move to the other aspects of the movie.

The costume designers probably took off after the scriptwriter and the lyricist. The fashion designers need to learn something from their Asian counterparts. Just look how they balance the money that they spend on the K- serials. I think that the film crew would have found themselves abandoned on some foreign locale with no money and they would have adjusted with clothes borrowed from some local thrift shop. The lead actress in almost all the scenes gives the viewer a peek at her underclothes. Fishnet tops and tiny tops (probably from her own 20 year old wardrobe) were excessively used in the film. As for our lead actor, I’m out of words. Here I need to make special mention of the make up artist (don’t think he took off because his presence was quite visible). But he probably thought that he was dressing up some bride for her bachelor’s party. He had more lipstick than the girl herself. And please do not forget to notice the blue contacts. The actor didn’t look like our classic Bollywood babus or the Bollywood babes (and this 15 something biceps couldn’t even fit him into the transgender look-alike category).

On more than one occasion, there is a mention of DDLJ and Silsila. How can one even try comparing something that evergreen romance with this piece of ‘abstract art’? And the absolutely unnecessary countless, useless and controversial kisses did nothing to draw the crowds. Why watch two silly people gorge on each other when Emran Hashmi would suffice?

I did not even have tears to cry after I left the cinema hall. This was what I would have called the total abomination of a film. My amateur film making classmates could have pulled off things better than this. I’m so overwhelmed with emotions that I can’t choose the words. So the next time you see a piece of art like this one, do not forget to enter it for our own Razzies.