Dummies Guide to Living with a Hypocrite

Once upon a time, son,

they used to laugh with their hearts

and laugh with their eyes:

but now they only laugh with their teeth,

while their ice-block-cold eyes

search behind my shadow.

There was a time indeed

they used to shake hands with their hearts:

but that's gone, son.

Now they shake hands without hearts:

while their left hands search

my empty pockets.

`Feel at home´! `Come again´:

they say, and when I come

again and feel

at home, once, twice,

there will be no thrice for

then I find doors shut on me.

So I have learned many things, son.

I have learned to wear many faces

like dresses - homeface,

officeface, streetface, hostface,

cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles

like a fixed portrait smile.

And I have learned too

to laugh with only me teeth

and shake hands without my heart.

I have also learned to say,`Goodbye´,

when I mean `Good-riddance`:

to say `Glad to meet you´,

without being glad; and to say `It's been

nice talking to you, after being bored.

But believe me, son.

I want to be what I used to be

when I was like you. I want

to unlearn all these muting things.

Most of all, I want to relearn

how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror

shows only my teeth like a snake's bare fangs!

So show me, son,

how to laugh; show me how

I used to laugh and smile

once upon a time when I was like you.

The poem reminds the blogger of an upcoming variety of species who “wear many faces… with a fixed portrait smile”. They are very common on planet earth and you may have been fortunate enough in being acquainted with them. The blogger would summarize a few characteristics to help the readers identify them in future.

1. One of the main attribute which sets them apart from the usual earthlings are their claim to ‘virtues’, ‘principles’ and all the other crap which gives full mouthed ‘OHHHhhhh’ from everyone (including your own parents). So just try to emulate everything they do and get an ‘OHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ (the longer one) for yourself.

2. The blogger has had the opportunity of knowing an assortment of these ‘luminous personalities’. Their made up charm would even blind the most prominent aurora. So do not forget your shades when in contact with them. They can’t even see when you are sleeping. And you don’t have to bother them when they are hunting for their next victim.

3. They may be available in any form, colour, shape, size or gender. There maybe no distinctive physical characteristics about them except (through their actions and speech) their self-proclamation of self importance. Keep a straight face and throw a little bit of arrogance around before they target you.

4. These two-faced Homo sapiens could even put a chameleon to shame with their super-swift ‘colour changing’ ability. Do not compete with the chameleon and give the two faced muggles (thank you Miss Rowling for the word. Well for all the others who haven’t read Harry Potter, it means non–magical people) a chance.

5. You may often be put in a situation where one might think that they are dealing with patients affected with Multiple Personality Disorder. Do not be duped, it is just one personality trait of theirs. But you may not have to face extreme cases like ‘Anniyan’.

6. They may, on more than one occasion, be your Agony Aunt (the perfect tumbler for all your fallen tears) and Reuters-challenging news agencies, the next minute (maybe they might wait till you leave the room to start posting the news. C’mon people…they aren’t all that bad!!!)

7. Pleasing others is an inevitable quality you might find in them. They can go to absolutely any limits to make you feel like the princess. (Mind you… Any limits which might include listening to your boring stories of your boyfriend and you, listening to you crib about which dress to wear every morning, blah blah blah). It might depend on the species you encounter.

For any more information, it would be preferable to learn from your own experience. On updates and suggestions, contact the below given address:

Tinker Bell

St. Nicholas Center for Notorious Nuts

Nowhere street

Neverland-99